Saturday, March 10, 2007

Things I've Learned (in my first fifty-one years)

• You never really know a person until you deal with his (or her) pocketbook.
• “Judge not” is absent from the creed of some so-called Christians. In fact, some seem to view judging others as recreation.
• There is no point in paying the locker rental at Jefferson High School. The other children will call your kid a female canine if she approaches the door, and if she actually tries to use it, physical assault can result. Buy extra book bags instead.
• Fast food will make you fat and diabetes could result as well. (I don’t have it yet, but the genetic seeds are there!)
• Women are meaner than men. Lord Byron said it long ago, but he was right.
• The best place to buy Christmas cards or a plastic sword is Party City.
• Paying bills online saves money on stamps and keeps your checks out of the hands of criminals.
• eBooks cost less than print books, and you don’t have to dispose of them after you’ve read them.
• Change your oil every 5,000 miles, and always buy a full set of good tires.
• Never trust the government to take care of your needs. Here are some examples to consider:
school bus vs. private car
veterans hospital vs. private physician
Georgia’s hope scholarship vs. your 529 plan
• Prune your crepe myrtles in February for better shape and more blooms during the summer.
• As people age, they tend to either “blow up” or “dry up.”
• Thieves can steal almost anything, but not your education, so get the best one you can afford and your brain will tolerate.
• Civic groups never invite a speaker twice, but science fiction cons goers seem to like seeing familiar faces.
• Don’t call Rite Aid in Jefferson for a prescription refill within three days of the first day of the month. If you forget to order ahead, just do without.
• Don’t use the intersection of Old Pendergrass Road and the Jefferson Bypass, because it is poorly designed and too heavily traveled. Using the intersection could result in property damage, bodily injury, and/or fatality. Find another way, and try to remember that the five minutes you lose is a lot less than a fews days in the hospital (or worse!)
• Family Dollar sells 2 liter Cokes for a dollar and a dime. Everyday.
• Don't plant anything when the wind comes from the east. This makes for damp and cold conditions, which isn't conducive to germination. (Nanny Dodd always said this!)
• American Eagle clothing is available online, so buy there and you don’t have to deal with loud, obnoxious “music” in the store or rude salespeople.
• All human behavior is driven by pleasure or pain. The need to derive pleasure and avoid pain are instinctive. This is part of our make up as human beings. Avoid people who derive pleasure from inflicting pain on others.
• Choose your friends wisely, because you don’t have any choice about your relatives.

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